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June 29, 2004
American People Ruled Unfit to Govern
WASHINGTON, DC—In a historic decision with major implications for the future of U.S. participatory democracy, the Supreme Court ruled 8-1 Monday that the American people are unfit to govern.

The controversial decision, the first of its kind in the 210-year history of U.S. representative government, was, according to Justice David Souter, "a response to the clear, demonstrable incompetence and indifference of the current U.S. citizenry in matters concerning the operation of this nation's government."

As a result of the ruling, the American people will no longer retain the power to choose their own federal, state, and local officials or vote on matters of concern to the public.

"This decision was by no means easy, but it unfortunately had to be done," said Justice Antonin Scalia, who penned the majority decision in the case. "The U.S. Constitution is very clear: In the event that the voting public becomes incapacitated or otherwise unfit to carry out its duties of self-governance, there is a danger posed to the republic, and the judicial branch is empowered to remove said public and replace it with a populace more qualified to lead."

"The public's right to the best possible representation is a founding principle of our nation," Justice Sandra Day O'Connor told reporters. "If you were on a jet airliner, you wouldn't want an untrained, incompetent pilot at the controls, and this is the same thing. As federal justices, we have taken a solemn oath to uphold every citizen's constitutional rights, and if we were to permit an irresponsible, indifferent public to continue to helm the ship of state, we would be remiss in our duties and putting the entire nation at risk."

The Onion

Posted by AnneZook at 04:43 PM


Comments

Voltaire said "the best government is a benevolent dictatorship, tempered with an ocassional assassination." Sometimes I think he was right, but then I remember that he was kidding.... mostly.

Posted by: Jonathan Dresner at June 30, 2004 10:37 PM

Heh.

But there are moments when it doesn't sound that ludicrous....

Posted by: Anne at July 1, 2004 02:42 PM

This article was written well over 2 years ago. The title is the same yet many of the information has been more-so updated for the current events. Seems like "THE ONION" is playing games, OR someone is altering the paths of time. I have the original article written - "Strange"... Isn't it?

Posted by: Beyah at July 4, 2004 08:50 AM

To my mind, the article is as timely today as it would have been two years ago.

Posted by: Anne at July 5, 2004 10:41 PM