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May 18, 2006
I Love Headlines

Bush Heads to Border Smuggling Hotspot. You think he's looking for cheap weed, or mescal?

Speaking of looking.... FBI Chases 'Best Lead' In Hoffa Search Tax dollars well-sent.

100+ Feared Dead in Afghanistan Taliban Battles. We are winning the War On Terror Terrorists Terrorism Extremist Islam Them!

Bush Slumps to a New Low -- It's All About Iraq But.... .winning! Aren't you listening?

Robertson: God May Forecast U.S. Tsunami. I don't know what to say about that one. I mean, I didn't know God made forecasts. I guess all we can really hope for is that he wants to take Pat home.

Cholera Outbreak Sickens 35,000; No End in Sight. Which, for some reason, reminds me that I read that they found a bubonic plague outbreak in Utah just the other day. (Seriously, Big Guy. No need for all this melodrama. You want Pat, you can have him.)

Whoosh! And that was just ABC's site.

Is Bush a Lunatic? I'm just saying. Y'all could have saved a lot of time, energy, and brainpower over the last five years if you'd just asked me.

Doubts over Iran nuclear capacity Hey, Real Men don't have doubts. They have DU, and sekrit boyfriends on the side.


But most of my brain is obsessed with an entirely different topic.

The Freedom Fence that's going to liberate us from a substantial portion of our manual labor workforce, thrus freeing us from the burden of clean hotel rooms and sanitized restaurant dishes.

We'll be able to eat our food the way nature intended...by crawling to the nearest garden and gnawing on anything we can find. No more of that inconvenient going to a grocery store and standing in line to buy stuff. All our tomatoes will be vine-ripe because we won't have any of those annoying people taking them off the vine and putting them on trucks!

I understand that such D.C. favorites as...wait for it...Halliburton! Are in line for the contract. To build the Big Fence, I mean.

I'm announcing my first round of Blog Awards.

We'll* be giving the HAPPY O** to the person who comes up with the most appropriately Orwellian name for this structure.


* The committee consists of Me, Myself, and I. And maybe anyone else I decide to rope in. Or maybe just Me and I, because I and Myself aren't getting along so much at the moment.

** The Orwell book of your choice. What did you think I meant?***

*** It's entirely possible this idea is not original. But then it's also entirely possible that I'm yanking your chain.

Posted by AnneZook at 02:28 PM | Comments (7)