I think you're underselling your talents at funny and at food. Especially food: your main problem there is that I don't know if you can actually sustain the attitude that seems to be required of restaraunt reviewers.

Me, I'm nothing but attitude. :)

Besides, what's needed to stand out from the crowd of food writers is a gimmick. An angle.

I mean, I could be the woman who searches desperately for things to like, among a harvest of crummy meals.

I could be the woman who finds a redeeming feature in the worst of dishes. (The food looked so lovely against the mandarin orange of the plates!) I could be the woman obsessed with describing the wait staff, or who always starts by doing a germ-test in the bathroom, or who never passes up a chance to order french fries.